Misunderstood expectations consume me.

So as my boss got on the Eurostar to Paris, I got on the train to Brighton! Bev had told us about it 3 weeks in advance but I had only really made my mind up on Friday night that i was going. Surprise surprise Ododo canceled, I was bit dissapointed as I did want to chat to her about getting extentions :(

SO we got there around twelvish, not hanks to the late comers me & Glor got there early and had to wait. The jjourney there must of taken over an hour, I was soooooooo bored, we played trivial pursuit but it made me even more sleepy. The part was quite small, but we spend hours wiating for caricatures and well I ended up getting the crappy chibi one rather than the elaborate pretty one, the lady doing that had a waiting list and becuase Glor needed to go early we missed our turns. The Chibi ones we got done becuase the people at the stall were good fun so it wasn't too bad -I ended up buying some prints too. I'm not too bothered, it's just inspired me to start drawing my manga again. i need to stick at it. Maybe i can do caracatures at the next London Expo :)

I eneded up buying subways as I ran out of money, even thought I did well I sold Glo a mascara and bev a eye liner so i had train fare and money for my caracture! The fish and chips however gave the others stomache aches after they ate theirs so i think i ended up with the best food choice but i WOULD HAVE prefered KFC.. We then went and sat on the peer for a few hours soaking up sun, playing cards, throwing stones at each other. Whoever won, lost or just VL got stoned. I won a few times so i got stoned loads, one got my kneecap good so i was limping back tot he station, Bev went mad when she got her tooth chipped.

We eneded up leaving around 8pm and got home around 10ish. It was a good day out though, I'm going to email the caracature guy about featurinjg him on the website, he's black manga artist, that's not a usual sight, so he'd be perfect for our book section. trivia - also gdid the latest ddr monkey logo for Tokyo Toys!

It's been a strange week, I feel like things are progressing in the project but then there is always something that trips us up.

Now this thing is a 'she' this mature lady has joined the team and hasn't got a role, she isn't computer training - only barely knows how to turn one on...I'm not trying to insinuate I'm a high tech kid but every job you have will consist of touching a computer whether to make a graphics for a game or type up an article. If applied to be a writer and she types so slowly I wonder what she did previously in her life.

So i found out what she did, about 10 years of beauty, hair and makeup for TV, hmmm that explains the lack of intelligence... People take it for granted knowing how to use the computer but this case proves, everything counts in this fast evolving world. My boss ONLY wants to keep her for her 'successful' image. I find it quite derogatory saying that as the rest of us look 'immature' or can't be taken seriously because we're black or brown in a white world. Yup he's said that to me and makes me feel pretty small when thinking about everything i have done and sacrificed for this project.

She has definately clocked on I resent her but I have to work with her however annoying and slow she is and I am making an effort so I am being grown up about the whole matter. I had to break the ice by having an hour conversation with her on Friday and she happily spoke about everything and I'm not sure what we can do with her, she has her ambitions and if taking her as a show pony to meeting and not saying much will bore her. She dosen't want ehr to be a receptionist either as the boss compliments her on her 'amazing telephone manner' ahuh.

The boss got nervous when he realised me and her were having a 'heart to heart' and took a break in between his buisness metting to speak to her. I have to say she must think he's hitting on her I wouldn't dare suggest it with all the stuff in the air since the Russian fiasco but I'm sorta waiting for her to suggest it to moi.

Conveniantly enough since we have 2 new sales people starting on monday she won't be around as she has clients and needs to make some sort of money to support herself, so we can focus on the guy but the cocky girl might not come in after the rough interview she had - she got all uppity.

The end of Friday was the boss running off early to a doctors appointment (he's went Paris yesterday for the weekend to finalise a deal for the awards in morocco, back on Monday around 3ish probably) after 10mins I left for a late lunch break with Caroline. I needed the air, the sun, the relief. We talked about politics, nonsense, ugly dog s in the park and gossiped about old friends. I miss having those moments. She even got me a little present - a hello kitty charm braclet - the kind you get in a tin foil wrapper and you collect the plastic flat charms. My first two had pictures of a nurse and scout :)

She pottered around after we got pizza and met up with me after work - I left 20 past 6pm so I was running late but Caroline was on the phone to Arani when I came out, done with her essays in July. We spent 30mins int he mammoth Paperchase near my office and then looked in Boots at the cosmetics you know looking at girly stuff, eyeliner, eyeshadow, cute cake prints on pencil cases, ahh it's so refreshing to be a lady again!

The CEO's mind was churned after the conversation on Tuesday, the editor was a mystery and had a poker face about the work she did and her personal obligations. Since he wasn't in yesterday he thought he'd have a firm chat with her on the phone regarding the issue, surprisingly he wanted it on loudspeaker and for me to be witness. it was good for me as I found that she had family issues which confirmed my own suspicions that her mum had cancer, I know these sort of things from comments she made about Jade Goody dying, my dad has brain cancer so i'm already well verse on the terms and guessed a long time ago. She didn't physically say it but i understood.

She now lay it on the table she wants to look after her mum and this is not where she wants to be in her life, although the project is ace, she can't see herslef being an 'editor' fair doos to that but she should have told us a long time ago...this wound him up even more as know we have to find a replacement. Hopefully she will do a prefessional job with handing over etc.

I ended up getting a call from him a little before 10pm to discuss what he has done from his end with the marketing meeting with a potential sales guy I found him. My phone cut off as I was on a train and he called me back an hour later suspcious about why I cut off - this guy is so paranoid, I wonder how I've put up with this for so long...?

It's weird/nice he trusts me enough to tell me about his meetings, personal thoughts, maybe it's a test to see what I'll do with the knowlege? Saying he's surrounded by 'stunning models' ina opening of a club with the marketing guy and his new conquest(or new assistant as he told me) makes me wonder if he wants me to be jealous? Lol he said that i need to protect him from the gold diggers - ROFLOL, they don't take me seriouslly let alone respect or listen to me. If only I were tlaler I'd command a presence. He is naive sometimes whether it is genuine or put on is another thing but this notion can get him into trouble. Put into comprimising situations due to his own lack of power to diffue it. Maybe I'm reading into it too much? For me I've grown mentally and could be more of a pshycologist that a media 'darling'.

As much as he waited like a lemon for the marketing guy to come so they could 'bond' he had other agendas and brought his assitant! So got on with it chatted to the owner kept the pR going, put the shades on and enjoyed the ambiance for what it was 'It' girls and c-d-class celebritie and made a dignifyed exit saying he had another party to go to.

Brilliant, I would of felt awkward as hell on my own. He really has some amazing social skills. At 2am he decided even thought i ahd the day off the next day, HE needed to get up early to look after the office, ha I really am the 'linch pin' as much as he dosen't want to admit he 'needs' me to glue the office together.

After much suspicion about the editors behavior and loyalty to the project. Things came to light today or yesterday.

After a long chat on the walk to Baker street station on Tuesday evening, wasn't really planned as I'm sure the CEO wanted to catch up with one of the external marketing guys (he came in for a meeting/reassurance that our contract in June was definitely happening). THE GUY IS WORSE THAN MY BOSS WHEN IT COMES TO GOSSIPING! He wanted to know about what was going on in the office and I cleverly averted attention and threw it back at himself. I don't trust the sleeze. He pat me on the leg and i thought 'Hang on that ain't right...' so I've confirmed to myself this guy is a perv and not really to be trusted as far as you can throw tim. Obviously I'm not going to tell the boss about the pat on the leg as he'll flip at him and we may lose the contract, that's one thing I like abou him - he will stand up principles and cut his nose to spite his face if it's right.

So our conversation revolved around progress in the office, daily reports, where we were with the IT team - constant problems - they seem like amatuers to me reall, this is probably their first real project.

We came to the conclusion, progress was being made but only short term - we were more stable than ever keeping people for a month at a time, it didn't give them time to get comfortable and therefore cocky. People needed the reference, they knew it was necessary to to a good job to get their reference at the end of the month. However things were a little hazy with the editor, after her various interviews she inted pretty much everyone on board. The only issue was an elderly lady who the marketing huy knew and made a point of calling us and saying he knew her. He didn't tell us if she were good or bad but that created bervous vibes for my CEO. The editor like me is creeped out by the guy and to spite him invited her on board. The CEO didn't like the fact they knew each other - this could lead to spying etc...so told me to call her and tell her we changed our mind. She in turn kept calling us and basically was having a rant and even sent us a stroppy letter implying we were age discriminating. We just didn't want more politics, age didn't even come into our minds. Blahhh.

SO much bull to contend with, the CEO thinks the marketing guy is lying about his buisness ventures, his fiance, I must admit he is half the time gassing about maybes but could he really have become so successful after he got kicked out of our office. Felt like he was bragging to me when he took me to the meeting room to give me an update on his life. Meh, why am I the agony aunt?

After the usual epic sheesha time on friday, even though it felt nice to let my concerns be known and even talk about the unfair treatment towards myself (because i'm always the escape goat.) there was a change of tide. This was from me. Today things felt different. Yesterday I was too busy wrapped up in the internal politics.

People's behaviors were being discovered. The good south African editor was quite sarky, nosy too but took criticism well so I will miss her wen she leaves this Friday. Veronica was a gem for the 'Blackcard' project, very systematic but lacked in passion but after pushing her to call an unlikely restaurant as a client he ate it hook line and sinker. I was more proud too be honest if I hadn't pushed her she wouldn't have done it. Especially after the CEO gave her cutting criticism after not talking to her the whole month really. Oh well if takes the credit. All I know is I'm happy.

Despite all the calamity with password changes and the website going down...as usual I find a way out. At least I can harass this new company within British opening hours, whereas before having a 3 hour gap in the morning due to them being in India was difficult.

I don't know how but I was channel surfing last night whilst toiling away uploading homepage content and at 8pm I found the Eurovision song contest.

Since when was Israel part of Europe???

Well the jist of it was Norway's entry - "Fairytale" was nice and so was Armenia's entry. the rest didn't leave much of an impression on me - except for Denmark which was bizarre as it had a Ronan Keating look a like singing like him too - it was all very 'stars in there eyes' entry. There was a weird custome malfunction at one point where the hostess walked out ina acheap wrapping paper ensemble - what was that about? Germany's entry had Dita Von Teese dancing in the background.

After that bizarre few hours of UK actually getting into the top 5, first time since 2002. i remember the time when we got nil points - ahhhh memories, what a terrible entry 'Gemini' I belive it was called.

Disgaea 3: Absence of Justice was on the agenda after that and it's a lot more complex than the pevious two, it has a lot more story which makes use of Vic Mignogna as lord Mao and Laura Bailey as Raspberyl voice talents. I can't wait till the May London Expo, i'll get to meet Vic and I'm already palnning on getting him to sign the game cover and perhaps some other goodies i can find in my room...hmmm.

It feels ironic they made in a school setting as Vic more recently did voice acting for 'Ouran Host club' and it's all about clubs, attending lessons. Cool but I'm not ready to play it until I complete number one. I like to do things in order.

Anyways I've been avoiding the inevitable, as I had a hardcore conversation with the boss on Friday over Sheesha and well as much as I tried to fob off the invitation, seemed like he really wanted to talk about the office, how things went whilst he was on holiday in Morocco. (I tell you now that if it wasn't for me putting his mind at rest before hand he wouldn't have gone.)

So we wlaked in the faint rain towards St Johns Wood, I always get over heated in the office so the cooling affect of the rain felt nice on my skin. It was only when we arrived at the cafe that the heavens opend up and it REALLy poured!

Yikes, he was being his usual evasive slef never really asking what he wanted to know. I answered everything I could volunterring bits about people to reassure him I wasn't hiding anything. Despite him trying to wind me up and me answering back in a bitter tone, he took it all well but...I'm not sure anymore what the deal is with him anymore. Why am I being treated like the workhorse in the glue factory adhering to all the rules whilsts others get to throw their weight around but 'We can't be too hard on them, we need them.'

What about me?

Have I become that predictable? I wonder at times like this, I only got to this postiion becuase no one else was around at the time - I was a comprimise, i told him, don't know if he took it on board as he was more concerned about others on the team.

Ha I'm the one after that confidence shift working at the weekend to make the website fresh and working whilst others are going out getting drunk having fun. This is messed up.

Why do people let each other down? The funny thing is no natter how much my boss gets screwed over this time if has a contract that kick binds the twat in question to pay 1/4 of a million or get this ass sued. The boss reckons it's pointless as the guy has nothing to begin with...the guy is a bull shiter extrodinare of course he's extracted money. I've become of trained in figuring out people it's scary.