Misunderstood expectations consume me.

Last night was one of those weird nights - I had a nap during the day - big mistake - and therefore I watched any old rubbish to get me to sleep - 'Desperate Housewives', then 'Samantha Who?' then 'Supernanny' and my personal favourite 'WifeSwap USA' - I had already seen the same episode int he morning so i managed to stumbled to the wall and turn the power off and roll back into bed for a deep sleep.

Somehow I entered a 'Dreamquest' this is where I have an interactive dream which is more of an omen of what is to come. It starts me arriving to a meal late, I end up sitting with Louise & new boyfriend (?) whilst she finished up I end up with a few shopping bags- was that why I was late?

However some of our friends who have moved on to the pub/club have left their jackets (Gina left her jacket on a table when we went to Louise's party recently) so I grab three jackets plus two mobile phones - silly cows leaving their shiz behind for me to pick up. I then get distracted by more stuff -this time discounted 'paperchase' stationary (probably coz there was a sale when me, Af & Taz went blue water recently).

Zuri (friend from Benefit Cosmetics) comes running to me saying she left her jacket - I then dig in my bag for the bright blue jacket I picked up except it was no longer blue, it was a bogey green with shiny buttons - she said it was hers and was very expensive. We'll I have to agree if it's a mood jacket changing colour to your mood. I then left my bags and went with her to her new work place at a posh restaurant and sat and drank hot chocolate with her round the back.

However a strange woman came in shortly after talking of curses and bugs - somehow centipedes began to crawl from under my mug. Nice.

I wake up staring into the whiteness of my ceiling - it's 8am i decide to sleep some more. I now have a curly afro and a head ache.

I had a strange dream 2 nights ago - I was at party, no a celebration maybe a wedding? - everyone there was dressed so elaborately, a few people wore ballgowns and a few wore ethnic outfits like saris, shalwar & kamises. I recognised a few faces from school like Afet, Catherine, then a few from Uni Caroline& Kuldeep. Before I could probe them into why we were there - a look of alarm spread on their faces and everyone dispersed but I can't quite rememebr if it was an organised chaos or I just panicked. All I know is before I knew it we were all in a mine shaft and I as usual got separated.

Again whether or not I walked off is another opinion but this is all I can remember and well it was like I was following a feeling, a clue a separate route. Along I was finding wordsripped and thrown ont he ground and throughout I felt a gaze watching me. I didn't feel scared - just confused. Eventually I came to a dead end - a balcony over a big empty space. Like something out my my RPG games except I found a book. Ont he front was a poem something talking of a childhood love burning till now and it was signed 'Raza, your future Husband & Lover' I was shocked and as I re read the poem I could now hear his voice reading it to me, i looked behind myself then below at the empty space and he was standing there looking up at me and then turned and walked away. This time a resonance from the game Project Zero lept at me. I flipped the pages of the book to find it was a blank sketch book - only one page had been filled - a self portrait of himself in an amateur anime style.

Was it a present for moi ? A symbol of his love? Abruptly I awoke on my back, looking blankly into my white ceiling - I normally have nightmares when i sleep on my back, was this one too - me marrying my obsessed 2nd cousin.? Bizarre feelings overcame me for a few hours.

I finally decided to get up and make the most of my sunday and catch some rays in the garden. I finally wore my H&M red boob tube tiger dress. Grabbed an old excericisjng matt fromt he shed, put on a towel and lay in my own sweat. Momi occasionally walked around and sat in different areas watching me but mostly guarding her domain.

Yup it's that time of year, the next MCM is 2 weeks away - I need to revamp my costume or do something different.

I've actually really been looking forward to it - I've written a few articles already to go into the archive for later and a couple for sure to go into the next few programmes - one for sure if my 'fringe' feature - sci fi programme with Joshua Jackson in it (Pacey from Dawsen's creek). Also did a big feature on 'Grange Hill' being more than a kids show.

This years confirmed voice actors are:

• Kathy Najimy has provided the voice of “Peggy Hill' from 'King of the hill' 14 seasons and going on...
  

• Kyle Hebert voice of Ryu - Street Fighter IV, Kamina -Gurren Lagann, Kiba - Naruto, Vato - FMA and Aizen - Bleach, Dragon Ball Z - Gohan, Ouran High School Host Club - Kazukiyo Soga.

• YURI LOWENTHAL voiced Susuke Kururugi - Code Geass, Sasuke Uchiha - all from Naruto, Jinno/Kuma - Afro Samurai and for th eyounger at heart Ben Tennyson (Ben 10). Game roles - Dissidia: Final Fantasy - Cecil Harvey, Luminous Arc - Heath (uncredited), Lunar: Silver Star Harmony - Alex Noa (uncredited),
  • Prince of Persia 1,2,3 - The Prince, Prinny: Can I Really Be The Hero? - Turmeric, Silent Hill: Shattered Memories - John, Suikoden V - Kyle.

• TARA PLATT (yuri's wif-ey) voiced some amazing characters including Temari - Naruto, Lisa Yadomaru - Bleach, & Tokiko Tsumura - Busou Renkin. Game roles - Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World - Raine Sage, ObsCure - Ashley.

As usual I'll be stewarding - making sure there are no shenanigans & or dodgeyness in general and get as much celeb sighting as pikachu possibe ;)

Oh I'm lazy I forgot to note my adventures at the Royal docklands this October. It was definitely better than May. The stalls were on top of their game - except for the weird stall withj pocket watches, homemade top hates & general kickass costumes - I wanted to by a cameo chocker but there were none this time! How incredibly lame - also the boyfriend who helped the creator looks vaguely familiar - either that or I seriously fancy him. Not sure but totally over it till the next expo. I also found a new cool hat stall - it's all professionally made but it's all her own designs, i got a cool red & black card bunny hat - part of a pair but the older brother had been bought and I don't think they sold too many but perhaps just about made the money back from the stall. Weren't cheap but very unique.

Anty of course went to the usual stalls manned by non negotiable Chinese guys - she got her supply of posters and I found the slightly cute guy and bought a whole load of t-shirts from him £8 each but I bought 7 for £42 - I think he was like - 'you more....ummmm let me get the calculator... ' As I originally enquired about 2 then went up to 4 then 7...hehehe I then ran off to collect my £2 from Anty and he was folding them up for me. He also told me about another anime expo in November - he couldn't rmeember the details but told me to check www.neo.com - the magazine website - they'd be there of course selling their stuff.

I've realised people like me more as myself and recognise me for my Pikachu cosplay whereas when i'm Pikachu - they don't take me seriously - lol what ethics lie behind the mask.

My feature on Star Treck Daxes had been published and it had got around the senior staff I had done it - the head steward Chip arranged for me to get professional photos with both (worth £20 each and yes I got them individually done :) I also ventured down the autograph section to talk with Jannie to see if I could get my articles signed too - after saying no and crushing my hope - she told me she was joking and told me to come back Sunday at 11 to sort it out before the groupies harrass them.

Saturday was mad, Anty got me in the early Morning so she could set up Tammy's stall (friend of Anna) with her anime figures and generally we spent the morning scouring the halls for stuff and our shift didn't start till 1pm. We found out where the voice actors Mike Mcfarland (Full Metal Alchemist Director & voice of Ritsu - Fruits Basket) & Troy Baker (voice of Tales of Vesperia/Symphonia games & villain from Full Metal Alchemist) at the back in their own stage section! It would be mine & Anty's 2nd time seeing Mike, got him to see a previous photo, my new Full Metal Alchemist bag, a postcard for Jacky (her xmas pressie) but Troy blew us away with his gorgeous eyes and funny stories -I got him to sign my game sleeve for Symphonia and my Full Metal Alchemist promo book. I wanted to keep my bag exclusively for Mike & Vic M.(Voice of Ed from Full Metal Alchemist), however Anty, Josaih & Jerome said it'll be good to get the villian signature & Japanese directors (who are also here as it would add worth). I reluctantly gave in and planned to get the sigs on Sunday.

I really got messed up mentally this weekend by Friday's events. Laila quit on tuesday night. It was all a bit messy, she the week b4 gave the keys to someone else intending not to come in & without telling the boss who was actually in the office. I thought it was a bit odd. I wasnt in the office due to day off but... I think the boss went overboard on her, if i'd got to her 1st first they both Wud have had the argument. Yikes poor rose got suck in the middle. Well after that crap I tried to smooth things over but Laila clearly had an attitude even after the boss apologsed 2 her. Zoe was asking a lot of questions too, making me suspicious, didnt help her & Laila discussed the bosses conversation. I have gossiping. Needless to say they were both were on there way out. We gave :Laila a second chance, Zoe however had completed 5 articles in 5 days so she wasn't worth the electricity she was wasting in the office according to the boss.

Well I dealt with Zoe crying and being blown away the boss but the email I received the day after timed from 11pm the night before surprised me:

***** *****

--------------------

Ok so a farwell email after we discussed her coming in 3 days a week...fine but this is the email I received a few days later:

Dear *****

I am writing to inform you that I wish to raise a grievance.

This action is being considered with regard to the following circumstances: On the 11^th September 2009 I worked for your company as an intern, 2 weeks later I inquired your authorization for a day off however your remark was unjust,

You stated “because we both were Muslims I will not give you more advantage over others, who do u think you are, we do not work by the Asian hours here. No wonder white people are higher than Asians..... Asian people are quitters”

On the 13.10.2009 regarding the key issue you called me in your office and

Said “I put my trust in you as a fellow Muslim u let me down. You wear this hijab so people portray you as a religious person, but in fact you put shame on me”

You even stated “we work in the media company... a rich industry....only poor people work in shops and Cole mines”

On the same day 13.10.2009 I spoke to you, I asked you why u preferred to rise pointless issues such as Islam, culture and race in to discussion when it was not needed.

You answered “you display your religion, therefore I bring it up... you cannot tell me how I can speak to you and how I see you”

***** is a company that focuses on diversity; however this contradicts the whole ethos of the establishment of the brand as u wish to label people.

I am entitled to a hearing to discuss this matter. Please reply within 28 days of the date of this letter.

Sincerely,

***** *****

-------------------------

WTF? Why was I sent this email? At least do your own dirty work girl.

Ok I was being a bit dramatic before but it's needed in my line of work - media is the world of divas and I'm not nearly are showy and unique as I need to be - what do i need to get noticed, apart from my hair being red...dreadlocks anyone?

My admin/writer Yixiang is going on a last minute trip to China to see her family before she starts her new course in computer design - I'm really pleased she got on it - she has soo much potential & patience. I am, however, disappointed she's leaving - she's developed as a person and it'll be sad seeing her leave this week. Hoepfully in September she may come back part time but...

I wish my colleagues would stick around - when i make a good team - it so much hard work and I'm even having this human feelings called 'liking' and I'm gonna miss some of these lazy ass slackers...not that she is, she comes in late sometimes but she works with drive and passion and I admire that !

She likes hazelnut chocolate so i'm going to bring some goodies in Wednesday to say thanks (i'm not in on her last day...) ahh well they are all slowly leaving...

On a random note my boss'"s Ex girlfriend Katherine is coming in for a visit and basically make a point of him not being a perve. Fingers crossed she's a midget! I don't get how he 'apparently' seduces so many women - he can be so darn right rude -opening that mouth is a death sentence for the listener - he can talk for the world and about any old crap too. If talking was an olympic sport he's be undefeated!

I must drink more tea so i'm on top form when she arrives, I can't look dumb or too offensive - it's probably a test to see my reaction - thought his last girlfriend was a picture - she was a bee's hive short of a drag queen. So much for 'natural' beauty aye boss? Lol I'm not even being mean, I was confused and bemused - still am slightly!

I got in today around 9.10 and low and behold I was the only one! Not the first time but literally the second person to come in was at 10.30 and that's th CEO. The writer/admin girl isn't feeling ill and wants to 'talk' - never a good thing so will be in the afternoon. Our writer come editor is doing tuesday to friday then going part time next week. Our writer/marketing research girl is on holiday and then has one week left with us :(

Annoyingly the last marketing girl sort of left without a proper goodbye but said she'll come int to return our electronic pass...I wonder why she bunked off, she was so enthralled to begin with and we let her try a bit of everything -which was her wish and poof - interest gone.

is it me or am I the only goomba left?