Reasons Unknown
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After a revelation of information from a ghost of my past - I have realized my reasons for working at my company are listed as : UNKNOWN.
The goal I had when I arrived have morphed a lot from what they were to what they are now - I can't pin point why but my feelings around the project are different more human but maybe not in the conventional way. My co workers don't seem to influence me any more because I'm the one stable entity and they will stay max a month, so why am I making the effort to socialise? Do they even care? Am I the starting point o their convo with other colleagues?
I feel resentful that I can't feel comfortable in a place I supposedly 'hang' out for 4 days a week...it's a large chunk out of my life. WHY don't I just move to boring admin work or become a librarian?
...
Never do something that your told to do if you don't agree with it, I've been doing that a lot recently and it's coming back to bite me in the ass. I've lost a ray of light that entered my life at the end of last year, someone who inspired me, gave me hope and made me smile. It's going to take a lot to get them to listen to me or entertain me again. Perhaps that is a sign for me to leave this cut throat place.
One email spoilt some sort of happiness I could of kept to the side toand keep me going.
One confimartion I got was people really did have fun on that fateful Friday when the boss and I were not around. That was the day it all happened but I never got the truth from ppl involved, they either feared I'd rat them out, didn't take me seriously or didn't turn up. I'm not sure if I resent this behaviour from happening or resent not being part of it - hahaha...I haven't lost my youth & humour yet...or maybe I'm immature and not career driven. Let's face it I can't belive I woke up at 5am today bothered by these things.
The goal I had when I arrived have morphed a lot from what they were to what they are now - I can't pin point why but my feelings around the project are different more human but maybe not in the conventional way. My co workers don't seem to influence me any more because I'm the one stable entity and they will stay max a month, so why am I making the effort to socialise? Do they even care? Am I the starting point o their convo with other colleagues?
I feel resentful that I can't feel comfortable in a place I supposedly 'hang' out for 4 days a week...it's a large chunk out of my life. WHY don't I just move to boring admin work or become a librarian?
...
Never do something that your told to do if you don't agree with it, I've been doing that a lot recently and it's coming back to bite me in the ass. I've lost a ray of light that entered my life at the end of last year, someone who inspired me, gave me hope and made me smile. It's going to take a lot to get them to listen to me or entertain me again. Perhaps that is a sign for me to leave this cut throat place.
One email spoilt some sort of happiness I could of kept to the side toand keep me going.
One confimartion I got was people really did have fun on that fateful Friday when the boss and I were not around. That was the day it all happened but I never got the truth from ppl involved, they either feared I'd rat them out, didn't take me seriously or didn't turn up. I'm not sure if I resent this behaviour from happening or resent not being part of it - hahaha...I haven't lost my youth & humour yet...or maybe I'm immature and not career driven. Let's face it I can't belive I woke up at 5am today bothered by these things.
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